Meet me there

Well, it's a new summer. After Thursday afternoon. I know I decided to study Cantonese like my life depended on it (which it kinda does), but it's not good enough. I mean, for one thing, I'm working on campus for eight hours Mon-Fri. That's a lot. Even if I sleep the first hour or two, I still have six more hours to waste. And when I say waste, that really is what I do. I don't want to waste my summer. I want to be as productive as possible. And... I really want to read a book.

I want to be one of those people who reads books over the summer.

But I'm really picky about my books, you know? It's hard for me to get interested in a specific story. Like, it really has to be good for me to be interested and read it to the end. But then I thought about all those Japanese novels in my room going to waste.

So I came up with this plan.
Read one of my Japanese Twilight novels this summer. That not only fills the gap of feeling the need to read, but also I'll be studying. I can study a whole bunch of new vocab words everyday too. So this way I'll have Cantonese and Japanese study during those 8 hours at work.
Good plan, right?

I also just met this guy who goes to HKBU :)
I found him through my postcard app and he seems so nice and was willing to help me out and stuff. We were even talking about finding a part time job and how he was happy to hear that I wanted one. 'Cause he said "usually all exchange students just want to travel around and stuff when abroad", and he kinda made me feel a little bit more special. Because I'm not there for just fun. Of course not. It's my last year, I need to get serious, and working in the country will help me learn so much more so much faster. Think about it, the more you associate yourself in the community the faster it is to pick up customs and language skills. Not only that, you get to meet a variety of people and maybe you might just find meet someone who can help you find a permanent job. Working can give you so many great personal experiences and opportunities and better yet, who else can say,"yeah, I worked in a local store while abroad"? I want to work so badly and I'll do It one way or the other. I know I'll find somewhere.

Which also gives me more motivation to learn Cantonese fast over this summer break. The more I know once I get there, the easier it will be to get hired. I know it's going to be hard to begin with, but I'll have people to help me out, I won't be alone.

I've also found another guy willing to teach me. I woke up thus morning and he left me a voice message on LINE saying "jou san" and it's meaning. I knew that word already but I appreciated it nonetheless, especially since it helps me with tones.
And it was really really cute... to wake up to that... :)


And, I haven't really talked about this, but maybe I should. It's been on my mind, and well.... it bothers me more and more. It's kinda a scary feeling, but there's nothing to be scared about at all. Because, it's just supposed to happen. Whether it's avoidable or not, you can try your hardest to keep what you have, what you can salvage or restore.... but then you lose it. I'm afraid of that again. Because something that is so important to you is lost.

I sent out my letter last week. I had to, how could I keep putting it off and wait for an email that will never come? Because I felt like that's what I have been doing.Waiting. Again.
I wonder when my patience will finally cave in. Or maybe I'm so patience because I carry too much hope in my heart. Hope is so deadly.
They tell you to keep believing, and not to lose hope.
I'm a natural at it.



So I sent my letter. But it's been a week now. And I haven't gotten a response. Was I wrong?
Was I wrong to send that letter? Is she really that busy maybe? So busy that she could never respond to a single email of mine.... for over a month.
I was patience. I really was.

And so my letter was a little sad.
I didn't know what we have become now. And I mentioned that, but not as blunt and obvious. But I miss her too. But all I've been feeling is the abandonment. Am I not that friend that I thought we were? I miss talking to her. I miss the friendship, the one person I truly wanted to be friends with. We have so much in common.. I can't understand that maybe she would be so self-centered.

And that's what happens.
I blamed myself a lot because I thought she was someone who I could tell anything to, and that she'd be able to give a pretty solid opinion or well.... I just thought I was able to talk to her about certain things. And now I feel like I was wrong. I opened up my big mouth, dumped my problems and thoughts into emails in the past. But she never said anything negative about it so I was so confused. I didn't know I should have stopped.
But I was foolish, I should have known better.



I don't know if it was obvious... but I hate losing things that are important to me. Most of the time those things are people.

But that's the life of a traveler, I suppose. I try to think of it as, getting to meet so many different people, making new connections, etc. etc. But most importantly, making new friends.
Either I just found the wrong person or.. my life of a traveler is that who goes his/her own way, making brief appearances in everyone's' lives. I tried to keep this friendship since I've lost so many in the past because of my ventures. She was a really special person to me... but now what?

But I'm still waiting for a response, even now. And I'll just keep waiting.


Back to DDR nights.
I have to lose these extra pounds I gained.