(HKBU)
Today was kinda special, not that it was any more special since I knew already.
I received an email this morning about my acceptance into HKBU. It's official guys, I'm on my way. I need to be there September 5th for sure because of orientation but I can move in on the 3rd. Which I really want to do but.... I don't want to feel rushed. So I want to arrive on the 2nd.... I need to find somewhere to stay for a day.
I plan to talk to Anthony more. We're going to Skype later tonight, so maybe if I get to know him better, well I don't know. See what happens I guess. But it's just super useful knowing him better. That's what I mean. Like, that's why I want to come on the 2nd of September instead of the 3rd. Because I want to be able to throw my stuff in my dorm and then get right onto everything else. Like buying my bedding and all that other stuff that I need for my room. But if I arrive on the 3rd, I'll still feel out of it not only from the plane flight but just because of me being in a completely new environment. I still remember how I was when I first arrived in Japan. I really needed a day to fix myself. It wasn't jet lag, I was just so overwhelmed with being in the country of my dreams oh, and that's what the main thing was, JAPANESE.
If anyone has experienced traveling abroad to a country in a completely different language and trying your best to talk with them in their native language, you can agree with me on how it just takes the energy right out of you when you try to concentrate too hard to try to communicate.
But yeah, so I wanna get a little experience in before anything.
I.... mmm.... yeah...
I have so much I want to say right now. But I feel like even though this is a blog for everything of me, I feel like my right to say certain things is just fading away. I realized something that makes me just confused. It hurts.
But how could I explain it without offending anyone, or making myself sound... not the way I want to appear?
Forget itt.
It's alright. I'll get over it.
I've learned to give things patience. And patience has come to a point where I've learned to just not care anymore. Well, most of the time.
All I know now is that, I don't have a right to do some of the things I used to do. It makes for a wrong situation. And I realize that. I can't say that it stops temptation, however, that's how it is. The longer I stay in this place the harder it is to just... do anything about myself. I need a new environment fast. I need what I had in Japan. If I was stuck here forever in Albany, no, even if I was stuck here for my final year in Albany, I would be a mess.
I can't stand this place anymore. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in this country. I need to abandon everything.
And the sad part of most of that is, it's all true.
Once I leave here, the same thing will happen again as it had in Japan. I lost touch with everyone. For those reading this, I really mean no harm in it. It's just how I am. I prefer to leave everything I've known behind. I think that's why I hate staying in one place for too long. Being at home was just that, Albany has now become that. Maybe if I didn't live in an apartment I'd feel a little different about that, but now things have become normal, it has become the norm, an everyday thing. And I hate that. I can't focus. I get impatient.
I'm just saying how it is.
I accept this. Like I've must have said before, I lose lots of friends because of my lack of communication. And that is my own fault. But when I think if change, I think of abandoning the norm. Drifting away from what was there, what I've had, who I knew. It's not like I want to forget anyone in my life, or drift so far away that we've become strangers. I just like the feeling of fresh and new. Something new I need to fight for, or like something new that I need to overcome.
Leave me in a place for too long with the same old bullshit and I get lost in thought. I get lost in myself. Not a good thing sometimes. I think that's why working on campus here everyday Mon-Fri for 8hrs really feels like kill and suffocation and that I can't accomplish anything, even study unless I seriously force myself. So right now, I really want to apologize for whatever happens in the future. My relationships that I have made within these past three years might not exist while I'm abroad. I do realize that Facebook has made things much easier to communicate with everyone and when I was in Japan, I was still a MySpace user. As we all know MySpace did not have the same functions as status updates and liking and posting pictures as FB does. So I guess by appearing every so often in commenting or liking a status, I'll still be existing to everyone as well as keeping in as much contact as I can.
It sounds selfish, but I'm not acting out of selfishness. I just have a habit of unintentionally ignoring people when I'm discovering new things. Or well.... I tend to ignore those far away when I'm enjoying my life. As you can tell, it's not really that 'exciting' or 'joyful' right now. I even hardly used FB freshman year, if anyone really remembers that far back. Because it was all new to me and I was enjoying my life with new people, new places, just a number of NEW things and experiences.
I can't wait for that life again :)
So much more exciting now, kyaaaaa~~
I guess I just found a lot of really good Canto-pop songs, downloaded a bunch of stuff. It's been awhile for that. And there's this one movie I want to watch sooo badly, but there's no English subs for it yet. It's called, "浮城大亨" (A Hundred Years Of A Floating City). It looks really sad and emotional, just like "東風破" was, except this is like serious. I'll post the trailer so you can see for yourself. That has English subs. Watch the trailer. You'd want to see it too, right? :)
In any case, life keeps changing. My life too. And it's just something we need to continue dealing with for the rest of our lives. It's taking me too long sometimes, but that's the great thing about life. We make mistakes and learn how to fix them, we learn from everything.
No comments:
Post a Comment