希望 - take it, take it all, take all that I have
I sent out a mass message to a bunch of people on Facebook, and was honestly surprised with some of the answers I received. Some I didn't want to hear, others were more of my liking.
But the truth to that question is probably the answer I didn't want to read.
I don't even know him that well, he doesn't even know me that well, but he's hitting it dead center.
希望
I'd ask the question myself, but that won't help.
I really do appreciate all the answers I received. Thank you everyone :)
Hope;
a foolish little thing.
Being here these past three days makes me feel different.
Not sure if that's a good thing... no, it doesn't feel that good at all really. My thoughts have been wandering off every time I look out onto the bay or over some body of water we pass on our ventures here.
I've been hanging onto my journal too, taking it everywhere I go and writing whatever is on my mind. I've written about a lot of different things. And now I've been posting a blog everyday.. -_____-''
But I've.. I've written a lot.
There's a page about ****, then there's a few pages family.
Family relationships and where mine have turned wrong.
I've always carried the weight on my mom, always made her the blame for most of my mess. And whether or not that is entirely true, is not my decision to make. I can repeat facts but I can't do much more. The more I've tossed the blame on her, the more guilty and ashamed I feel of myself so much that I hate myself for it. How could I blame her for everything? That's so immature, pushing the blame on someone else!
And yet I've done it.
Last year, even if I still can't bring myself to forgive her for what she did to me last year, I can't forgive myself for the letter I left her. I blamed her for so much... I blamed her for the way I was and for the childhood I never had with her.... for a childhood I couldn't remember but SURELY I HAD!!
....
why the fuck....
why do I have to be such a spoiled brat....
I'm... I'm so.sorry...
....mom.
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