And you'll be falling for me as I'm falling for you; and then we can run away

Sometime last year I got really into this one fanfiction. A Final Fantasy X-2 fanfiction. Like many, I supported the whole Tidus-Yuna thing going on there and I didn't really care about how the Wakka-Lulu thing developed, nor did I care about any of the other characters' possible relationships. Just the main characters were my concern (well, maybe just Rikku would have been awesome too). Then sometime last year I got back into the X-2 couple thing and l started searching up fanfictions. Of course though knowing me, I don't look for the kiddie ones.

FanFiction.net is my home when I need that lift up when I want to read about something cute and well... "perfect".

It's hard to say perfect, it would be more to say that this are more "ideal" than normal couple life.
But even if it's ideal, it doesn't mean it can't be possible in real life too.


And it made me feel better as a person.


Because...
look at me. I'm helpless. I treasure someone a little too much. I've stayed exactly the same way as when he left me. I didn't go out looking for anyone else, I didn't get "experience" if you know what I'm getting at, etc. Same feelings, same dedication.

But then you look at other people.
Those people who really do sleep around and "experience".


It makes me feel better that I'm NOT one of those people.
Because reading this story again... I feel like... all those other people don't know how to be in a relationship, or more like, they don't know what real passion is.

I should explain.
Because even I don't think I'm saying this right.

As I was continuing to clean my room today I came upon a blank disk.
At first I didn't know what it was for but then I remembered, for what purpose I planned to use it. Then I got my thoughts thinking back on that FF X-2 story. And something just clicked.

That feeling.

That feeling of something serious, something you know won't fade away. Something like being able to smile everyday because of that same person. The feeling of knowing you can keep turning back to them to keep you going. I think that's a better way of what I'm trying to say. People who just sleep around for the hell of it can't feel any of that and it's really just.... really sad. But most of the time it's their own fault too.

But do you get what I'm saying?
Like, I feel like I'm better than all of that because I know that feeling. And that I'm one of those people who would trying to make it that serious. And now I feel really disgusted about all those people who don't think of that. Those who do just sleep with whoever they want for thrills. It makes me feel like they don't have a heart yet.


I know that's really rude to say.
Any one reading this could be one of those people.
But it's just something that really hit me. I guess, reading that story again today threw me off guard. It was that perfect amount of romance and description of passion where you just couldn't take it anymore and your heart wanted to melt. Well, since I've bonded to the two characters from years ago it all just seems like the best story ever, very much fitting of their personalities too. 22pages, but the best 22 pages ever, however I'll admit to skipping one or two near the end. Just reading the first page grabs your attention though :)


'Cause when I read that story, I felt like this was happening. Their connection was just too great, too powerful, their feelings were more than just written words. You could feel their lust, their hope, the love they gave each other.



And then I looked at my CD....
And....


There were many times when I felt that same emotion. Many times.
Memories come back.


There's just a different feeling when you're spending time with the person you really really care about, where you both feel the same. It can't be matched even when you surround yourself with many other girls/guys for some fun. That is the feeling those kinds of people are missing out on. If they've never experienced that feeling before, maybe they're lucky or maybe they're unlucky. But I'm glad that I'm still retaining that emotion. I don't know what I'd do without it. Well... I mean I am living without having it anymore, and I really miss it.

I really miss it.

The story is called "That night on Besaid Beach" and is also the title of the first chapter.
If anyone is interested in reading what I think is a very well written romance fanfiction, here's the link:
Final Fantasy X-2 fanfiction<<<< clicky ♥

If you aren't familiar with either FF X or X-2 then places, people, and references will be confusing to you. But you can still keep up with the two love birds (I hope). As they say on Quizilla, there are "lemons" lol.

Oh my god, lemon.
I still don't know how they got the word lemon for sex.


But that's what this is.
I would never want to be anything other than this.
I want to be serious about someone all the time in a relationship. It's the right thing to do I think. Not only that, but it makes every moment so much better. Spending time for someone you're serious with, there's no better feeling in the world.

That's why I was going to make that CD.
Remembering the reasons I did so, just make that feeling come back to me again.

But the truth is....
Even though I remember it, because it's been so long since I've had any mutual response,

I feel like I don't know that person on the other side of the world anymore.
And then, I don't know who it is I'm actually in love with anymore. Almost like I made him up.
That feeling... is just as bad as not having the one I talked about.
Sometimes he doesn't feel like the same guy I liked anymore.