Taking it back a notch, I've seen that same little girl waving in the mirror

It's been a month since I've been on Blogger. Partly due to.... I'm sure I have an excuse but I can't remember what was going on with myself around that time.

But then due to an unfortunate event, my laptop crashed, all my data lost, and I had to get a new one. Good thing: I love my new computer so so much♥ Bad thing: All my videos and pictures that I took while I was in Japan are now lost and gone for good. My hard drive crashed and according to Best Buy's Geek Squad, my hard drive is in such broken condition it's impossible to start it running again without sending it to some professionals with the price tag of around $800. I bought my new computer and all its extras for less than that price.

It's really unfortunate, and I'm extremely upset and sad about it but... it happened. I can't keep breaking down about something like this.


Nothing excited happens in my life.
One annoying little guy getting involved in my life but I noticed his facebook status was about me. And he clearly wanted me to see seeing as he had the word "she" in caps. Yeah, told ya pal, NOT INTERESTED.

It's what happens when you make one little mistake and mess around with a guy you know likes you. I do blame it completely on myself. For one it was thoughtless and cruel to have him believe I wanted something. Kinda makes me think of myself, and how I'm probably thinking like him right now. It hurts. A lot. I used him because I was depressed, and I'm not going to do it again to anyone. It just bothers me that I clearly told him I didn't want anything more than to just continue being a friend... I made a mistake, and I feel terrible about it. But I'm sorry, I can't change my decision about what happened that night, and I made it clear it was just a stupid decision. But please... it's not like we had some connection for a long time... you shouldn't need to get so, so uptight about it.

I don't really like what has started to happen.
At first I was all happy, and well, now I just don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to have to think about what other guys think about me anymore or having to worry about trying to keep the friendship. Then because of how kind I am to them, most tend to get the wrong idea. Sure, maybe I like attention, but I don't want to be a possible candidate in their love life. I only have my eyes set on one guy. It's stupid yet... but I'm still saying it, aren't I?


And today I went grocery shopping, AGAIN. I feel like I do this every week for no apparent reason.  But today was different. I'm on a diet again, and I realized I have to plan on what I'm going to cook a day ahead of time to avoid overeating. I tend to make ramen when I get home then realize I'm in the mood for something else and then eat that. Overeating right?

I haven't been paying attention to my weight again and when I stepped on the scale I was horrified. I wasn't looking like it (at least I didn't really notice) that I was getting fatter but the scale doesn't lie. I'm not HUGE, don't get that wrong of an idea...

That was step one of the plan.
Step two involves what I eat.

I've decided from today on, June 24 2011, that I will become a pescatarian. At Price Chopper today I bought a lot of veggies and apples. I need to start eating healthier while eating things that have such low calorie intakes. If I do this while planning out my meals and exactly how much to eat I think I can lose this weight. Another unfortunate event, due to work and lack of sleep I can't really work out like I planned to since day one. About two-three days a week though I do walk, I just don't really know the distance. I walk a pretty good amount everyday anyway, so if I keep watch on my calories and fat, then try to walk more often or at the least do leg exercises in my room (thigh exercises to be exact) I should be able to do something about this issue.

I even curled my hair the other day in an attempt to look different. I thought I looked great, and so summer-y, but there's still those things I can't change about myself. Complexion, noticeable eye size difference, etc... it's kinda depressing when I look at it that way, trying to look pretty and noticing you can't change that much...

Just have to keep trying and find what best works for yourself.
And not to get worked up about all the little details.

There's lots of things I wish I could change about my face in general,
But maybe it can be turned into that unique trait that one special guy can joke and smile about with you.