Fighting off as much temptation as I can

I woke up this morning in a terrible mood.
I didn't want to do anything, and in the end I skipped my Korean class, giving myself a 0 on our last quiz of the year. I couldn't go to class. I couldn't deal with trying to think when she called on me, I couldn't deal with people around me. So I just, didn't go.


And then...
something I considered a few months ago came into my mind again.
It's something I might regret, but then again it's not like I'll hate it. Well... I'm hoping I wouldn't hate it.
And I didn't fully decide yet, but, the more I thought about it...
only two things repeated in my head.

Those two reasons are the only things I have motivating me to make this decision.
And I'll be honest, they aren't very reliable. And they're terrible reasons at that.


I'm not sure what I want to do.

I feel like if I make this decision I'll be giving up.
Giving up on more than just one thing.

I still have time to make a choice.
But I wonder which will win.

If I'm able to get something within these few weeks... that might lead to the decision.
'Cause I'll feel like I don't have a choice.



And in all honesty, this may be my last shot to be able to do something.
How could I want something if I don't somehow try for it?
It would be better to just agree on this decision and stop thinking about it. But what I'm worried is that feeling of regret and disappointment I'll give to others.

Because I made a promise.

And I'm not one of those people to break one. It makes me feel even more horrible about myself. That's one reason I'm regretting one of the motivations. The other one, well... it just seems pointless to chase after. It may have its benefit and good intentions but... I don't know.

I need someone's opinion.

An honest opinion that won't ridicule me. Or tell me I'm being stupid. Because even though I know it could be stupid in a way, it also has positive sides! Just because my one "motivation" is the worst excuse ever...
I still have to make a decision.


And that one stupid motivation was the only thing that made me think a little positive all day.
Before I might wake up in another depressing mood.