I'm wrong though too.
Some girls aren't like that at all. Some girls take simple pleasures as an enjoyment. More than just a thing to do. How do I put it.... they're like men. They hunt too. Men want sex so they look for it and take what they can grab. Women on the other hand, it's not so hard for them to get sex. If they want it.
But they hunt men down too. But there's worse. There's the women who hunt men down just to drown away their loneliness. But when the man disappears or they realize that it's become to dangerous to continue their game, the loneliness comes back. I've played that game. And it's no longer fun when you're left with a guilty conscious.
So then is it better to just be the toy? You have a night, but you're still wondering what you're doing when you wake up in the morning. Is it the same for a man? I wonder that sometimes, but I think I've pretty much have it embedded in my head that men are just terrible creatures most of the time. Most of them.
I've met my share of douchbags, the assholes, the ones who want to get lucky. And then there's the cocky men who think they're all that. They brag about all the girls they dated, and then he thinks he has a right to say that he's had "more than one at a time". What the fuck. Do you think that makes me think high of you now? Oh wait, no. You meant to keep that all a secret.
I just don't get it sometimes. The mentality of sex. I'm probably just way too complicated for these kinds of things. Because, you can imagine anything you want, you can get thrills and excitement from things you would never want in real life. But when it can happen in real life, you go blank. You're heart starts racing and you have to make a decision, a simple decision as a 'yes or no', and you can't do it. You chicken out because you're scared of what you'll be like the next morning, or if you don't pass out to sleep, right when the deed has been done.
Are you regretful? Can you just forget what you've done and think of it as if you've just seen a movie or went out to eat with a friend? Why does sex have to be sex? Why does it have to be so specific a feeling, so specific a sensation, that one can not just act normal after it? That's wrong to say. The correct thing to say is, why am I like this?
It's just me who's acting like this. I'm sure I'm not the only girl out there of course that feels like this. But right now, it's just ME who's complaining about this.
I'm a 21 year old. 21! And the more I think about how I'm wasting my days not trying to have more 'fun' in this selfish game, it makes me angry. But how do you just do that? Because there's too many risks. Without mentioning all the sexual diseases out there, I just don't think I have the emotional state. But I won't know until I try right?
It just contradicts me.
The things you imagine. The wild passions, the men, and flavors. Different experiences, different sensations. Sounds like a porn to me....
What you imagine, contradicting what you really want to be, someone innocent, only sharing a bed with someone you love. Because when you image something like sex, you think of all the possibilities. All the amazing possibilities.
But when it comes to reality, to me, sex is not just about possibilities. It's more like giving yourself away to someone, someone you care about. It's more like giving that person all you have and it makes you happy.
So I don't understand men. I don't understand why sex isn't really all that important most of the time.
I have to change my thoughts though.
Because, he's probably the only one I'll approve of for something like this.
So suddenly. Out of the blue.
And I've fought against temptation too much.
The texting games begin.
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