An original mix, here's to us

I think I dream a little too much.

Trying to figure out what part of reality I should take with me is the hardest part. Throughout this year I could of had multiple realities, multiple decisions. Choices existed.

For some reason, I just feel unsatisfied. I probably know why but I really don't want to admit to it. And when I think about the other position, I feel either disgusted or really.. broken. I mean, I understand that's how life is and that most if not all are like that. But I can't swallow it when it comes to me. Swallowing the fact that it most likely happened just leaves a hole inside me. It stays there for a long time. So then I hide from all other realities. Following the path of a dead end reality. Well, it probably is a dead end somewhere along the way.

Imaging images of what could be or what it must have been like. It's disgusting. Then again, I see something else. But that too isn't a good feeling.

The fact that I'm still here though has to mean something.
Isn't everything supposed to be okay in the end?
Weren't those always the words I'm supposed to believe for the rest of my life?


If everything is supposed to be okay then eventually I have to climb somewhere at some point, right? Somewhere on this reality I'll have to move onto another one?

I'm trying to understand. I know I'm not the brightest person but, I'd hate to consider myself stupid. Especially right now. I just thought I was being the better person, at least in the best way I could put that.

But I'm too complicated.

Climbing up, or just taking that drop.
Either way I'm not satisfied, and I'm tired of the images. If I'm existing in this reality, if I'm alive in this reality.

All the past seem like dreams.
Because I dream too much.

The past choices are only what were possible realities. In the end, I still chose this dead end fairytale.

Feeling mixed up and uncertain, looking for that special push to go higher. A certain happiness that seems hard to obtain. That safe place where you know the ground won't disappear below you. A soft pillow. A satisfaction, without those scary thoughts.

And then,
there was everything.
I can find it.

I feel like this is what damaged is.


"Dreaming comes so easily
'cause it's all that I know
True love is a fairytale
I'm damaged so how would I know
I'm scared, and I'm alone
I'm ashamed, I need for you to know
I didn't say all the things I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'cause I feel you
I feel you near me"