The Last Post.

I got really angry sometime earlier this week.

I'm not say it was really an 'angry' type of feeling. It was more like, a broken kind of feeling. That feeling when it feels like your heart is broken I guess. But, it wasn't a heartbreak. It's hard to explain. I don't want to say what had caused the feeling. But it broke me. And I felt like I was about to quit all the hard work I've been doing until now. I didn't want to move, I wanted to just sit there and cry. But I knew better....

I couldn't let myself breakdown like this.

I wasn't sure what to do. My dad was still in the house and I didn't want to get all emotional suddenly, then he would just pressure the questions. So, I left. I went outside and ran. Because it was all I could think to do. What had happened? Why did it hurt so much? Why did I care that this is how it truly is? I know why I cared, but it's gotten to the point where I'm feeling sick and disgusted. All I was able to do was cry silently as I kept on running. I'd get tired, walk for a little bit, then I picked up my feet and ran again. I ran a lot. I didn't even know the pain in my legs until the very end when I knew I couldn't go much longer. All I knew was to keep running. I couldn't do anything else.

I wanted to scream. Run and scream at the top of my voice.
I haven't felt this distraught in such a long time. I wish it was avoided.

As I ran, I tried to convince myself. I told myself, "I need to get stronger", "I need to be stronger".
"I need to be brave"
"I need to keep believing"
"You need to believe in what you're doing"


I felt as if I was running blindly. Like in that anime, "The Girl Who Leap Through Time", when she ran and screamed when going back in time to save him... it was that kind of feeling, without so much the screaming. To be honest, I felt like next month when I'm in HK....
It's funny.

Did you realize yet that I'm blindly running towards a future that isn't there? That's what I felt like that day as I ran. I realized, no matter how hard I pushed myself, I can only be worthy to myself. To give someone a value... it's only possible on how you respect them, how you look up to them. In Japanese, 憧れ would be perfect here.
All I could do was ask myself what it is I am doing. In reality, what is it that I care so much about? I want to attract a lot of different people. I want people to see me as an amazing person. But most of all, I want to excel in what I love. I don't want to be blindly running. I want to be where I want to be. I can only fight for my happiness.

That's pretty much what I realized.
I broke.. and all I can do is try to fight back with all my might.
The truth is, the very thing that caused my desperation, well... it doesn't have much to do with this at all. It was something completely stupid and probably meant as a harmless joke. It wasn't aimed at me either, or well, I hope it wasn't. Instead of taking it personally to the point of getting agitated, I felt as if I had failed. I still do think this way. It hit close to my heart. Because I understood it. And I don't know what happened after that.

So what am I really doing in HK?

Fun isn't an answer I think I'll find easily. Neither is romance.
Especially romance.


I honestly don't know anymore. I don't know how to take the emotion that I'm feeling right now. I'm confused. Really confused.
I keep thinking, "Why didn't you go to Japan? You love Japan!"
I do. I want to speak it so much recently with other Japanese. With my friends. I want to see my friends again. But...

I can't go back. I've come to that realization. I only had two choices. TUFS or Kansai... I couldn't. Kansai is too far from the people I love, and TUFS... I just can't bring myself to attend that place. I could have looked into another school through a different SUNY program I suppose, but it's too late now. Not only that, what would I really learn in the end? I'd only be with the people I've cared about for so long. But you know... it's funny how they're memories still linger. I have a tendency of abandoning things. More importantly, people. I don't have my friends from elementary, I don't have my friends from middle and high school anymore either. The friends made during college may unfortunately end this way too.
When I go home, all I have is family. And I don't feel right with them.

It's a lonely feeling being trapped like this. I've abandoned people constantly, I don't keep in contact, I'm forgot, they become forgotten because I'm too absorbed in my own thing. I guess that makes me selfish. All I'm doing is preventing from anyone in.


I sometimes try to think of it as a good thing though. This way I can go and do anything I want without feeling like I need to take care of the other end. In a positive way, it would mean to chase my dreams of traveling and living abroad without the regret of leaving the people I grew up with. The more I see it that way, I've come to the conclusion that this is just my fate. I'm a traveler. I run away. I try to be independent. I don't want help from others so I abandon them. I run away from their aid.

That's why I find it so funny how I refused to let these people, the friends I've made in Japan, escape from my life. I haven't forgotten them at all. Sometimes I feel like our strings have been severed, but their lives are busy too, and in the end when I hear back from them they still seem happy to hear from me. And it makes me so happy.

They were the first people I've held close to my heart.
I find worth in them because of what they mean to me. They can't speak English, they don't have any special talents, they might have spoiled me just a little but, they made me felt like I belonged. Like I was Japanese too. And everyone knows how much something like that makes me happy. I'm probably being closed-minded, a lot of friends I've made in America have also treated me with kindness and I had so much fun spending time with them too. And it's sick of me to not put them into the same category as I have with those from Hitachi.
It's no one's fault but mine. I can't find a purpose here. I can't find a specific object that would make me want to stay.

The second person, and the last one for now, went away. The problem with this one is, the way I admire that person, I can't find a way to change it, and keeping them so close has only caused me trouble time and time again. It's gotten to the point where I need to sever our string. But no matter what, even if we never speak again, I believe that person has worth to me. I look up to them sometimes too, and for that reason alone I feel like my path has been going in a positive direction.

That's why, even though I'm really confused as to why I'm going to HK... I know it's best for me. I know it's the best thing for me to be doing right now, especially as this is my last year as a college student. I don't know what to do there other than study as hard as I can, but surely I'm supposed to be there. It's always been a dream to know more than two languages, if I could learn four I'd die happy. That's why... being in Japan doesn't serve me any purpose, other than being with the one's I've admired. That's what we sacrifice.

Every person is worthy in their own way, but more importantly, we're worthy to at least another person in our own lives. So there's always someone who respects you for whatever it is that you do. And we shouldn't forget that. Everyone is different in their own way, and we look for worth in others in our own way. But just because we can't find a specific worth in someone that we could look up to, doesn't mean they're worthless at all. It's hard to see it my way maybe.


But it's hard to find worth in yourself.
And that's my problem. As I left Albany, I saw the faces and emotions of the people I was leaving behind. And I was surprised. I meant a lot to them without even realizing it. I'm glad that I was able to be worthy of something to someone. Whatever the reason was, I am really happy that for a period of time we could share that.

And now, I need to find worth in myself.
I need to find the reason why I'm trying so hard right now.
I need to get stronger.
I need to be a little more thinner.
I need to be better in Japanese.
I need to be prettier.
I need to support myself.
I have to try harder.

Then, I'll find myself worthy for myself. I have to fight for everything.
What is it that I can do for myself to make me feel worthy?
For a little over a week now, I've been translating one Sailor Moon manga a day. I should have the completion done before I leave America. I've also been jogging everyday (~15mins/per jog) since Aug.1st. two-three times a day.

What I can do for now is just keep studying to increase vocabulary.
What I can do now is keep running everyday to get a beautiful thin, but healthy body.

What is it that I can do for now for the upcoming future,
That's what I realized as I ran.

Current state of affairs

I'm too lazy to go and translate what I'm going to write in here into Japanese today. I won't let the laziness stop me next time.

But I feel great!

I had a schedule planned, right? Well, it kinda didn't work out for me lol

Waking up at 5am to walk was a great idea and all, but after a week I decided that 5am is wayy too early for me to wake up on this vacation. I mean, I was waking up at 5:30am MONDAY-FRIDAY (sometimes weekends too) when I was in Albany just to get ready for work. Not to mention I did the same thing while classes were in session. NO. I'm done with that bullshit. I rather stay up late and wake up sometime between 9am and 10am.

So I quit that.

As for jogging with my dog, I think it's been going on two weeks now. Yep, I'm still at that one! At first I wasn't doing it in the morning though, and instead waiting until around 6pm to take her. But now that has changed! Believe it or not, I always told myself that 'I hate to run, jogging isn't even an option', so I never have gone and done it. And what even surprised me, I actually LIKE to jog!

So with my own free will, I'm actually jogging with my dog TWICE a day. Once in the morning as soon as I wake up around 9-10am and then again sometime between 4pm-7pm. I actually want to jog. What annoys me though is that my dog is beginning to give up on me. Since I wasn't used to the whole jogging thing at first, I began to pace myself and my jogs gradually became longer. Now when we reach the last stretch, I have to pull her along which is just more pressure on my end to keep up my pace without slowing down. She needs to exercise, whether she likes it or not, she's coming with me and enduring the jog. lol

Studying Cantonese.... ahaaaaahaa...

Let's not get into that topic.

See, I kinda figured myself out in a way. I need more than just self-help.

I either need to be in a classroom with a teacher and interactive learning or I need to be immersed to the point I have no other choice but to do it myself and HAVE to use it. This is how I was before I went to Japan as well. And that's what I remembered.

Before the Rotary Club's exchange program became a thought in my mind, I wanted to learn Japanese and so I tried to teach myself. Even after that, when I was accepted, I got Rosetta Stone, tried to study again on my own.... but other than the basics, I couldn't retain anything. I wasn't using the skills I learned nearly enough and had little to no interactions with native speakers. So, I just couldn't do anything.

And that's what I feel it is now.

When I was studying Cantonese a few months back, I tried hard to keep the words retained. I reviewed my flashcards, posted entries in Lang-8, I really tried all I could. But I couldn't get it to stick. It really hurt to feel like all these goals I wanted to be able to reach when I get there, like getting a part-time job, etc. couldn't really happen right away.

But what I also noticed is how easy I can retain new information after the point of learning more than the basics. I remembered back to when I was in Japan and when my host mother asked me something, I was using the correct intransitive/transitive verbs that I studied so hard. But the one thing that surprised me the most was when we were cleaning the classroom after school and my homeroom teacher asked me something. I responded 「二番めの...」(the second one...).

And I didn't even realize what I had done until he mentioned it. And I'll never forget that, because I was so proud of myself, I felt so happy that I did something I didn't prepare myself for.

It might sound like nothing to you, but it meant a lot to me. What I did was use the word 「め」(me). Using it in this way indicates a specific place. But, I never taught myself how to use that. I must have adapted it from listening to the people around me. And that's when he said to me, "Your Japanese has really improved, hasn't it."

I felt so fuzzy and happy when he said that to me and also realizing why that was.

So, I decided to let the Cantonese be for now. When I get there I'll be able to catch on, and with enough hard work, unlike what I did in Japan, I can learn a lot more faster. What's instead more important is to concentrate on studying more Japanese. I'm trying to enter into a 400 level class in HK which is probably out of my league considering how tough language classes are over there, along with their pre-knowledge of a large amount of kanji since birth. I might have to drop to the 300 level, but I want to at least give it a shot. Japanese is easy for me to retain once I put my heart into it, unlike the lazy studying I did for the classes and tests. And I have the perfect solution.

I'm not only writing my blogs in Japanese for my Japanese friends, but also for myself as self-improvement. I learn new vocab and grammar structures, and I'm keeping up with it. The new thing that I've started, today is day4 of it, is reading my entire collection of my Sailor Moon mangas. I've had my collection of the Japanese mangas for a while now but I've actually never sat down and seriously read them. And I AM a huge Sailor Moon fan. How can I live through this if I haven't read the mangas once? ESPECIALLY IN JAPANESE!

So I planned it out. Everyday I will completely translate one book. There's 18books total in the series plus an additional SailorV manga that is complete with 3books. Then I have one "omake" book which I may or may not get to. I was watching the entire series over again, but then I thought I could just watch those in HK since I have them downloaded but what I can't do is take my books with me. If I do take a book, it will be the 'omake' book. I have 22days left in America and a total of 22books to read. I'm already on book4 though so that makes 18 more to go. I'm writing down every word I don't know and/or can't remember and then making flashcards for each volume.

I'm a slow reader at manga. Even when I read English manga it would take me about 3hrs because I take in every detail. So considering this is being translated (looking up the word I don't know then writing it down with its meaning, rereading the sentence/speech bubble more than once to make sure I fully understand what's being said), it's taking me a really long time to do. It takes up most of my day, actually. So all I do is wake up, jog, eat breakfast, read, eat lunch, read, jog, take a shower, eat dinner, read, sleep. And it continues into the next day. I would also like to mention that my portions of food are also small (sometimes I skip lunch though) because of my lack of movement and because I am trying to lose weight. And because it takes me awhile and if I have any other distractions throughout the day, I tend to stay up till 3am-4am until I finish the book.

But it's so worth it.

I've never felt so happy than I have been these past four days this entire summer and I feel so much more accomplished than I have been because I'm learning so much too and working out for my body, it's amazing.

I woke up today so excited to start translating again. I went for my jog, and now I'm quickly typing this up to explain why I feel so great. I love Sailor Moon so much, and the manga is so different, it's actually a very addicting read, I'm not getting bored at all! The manga has a slightly different story line (but kinda better compared to the anime) and it is soooo much more romantic too!! It actually might be a reallyy bad thing for me ahahaaa, I tend to dream a little too much.

My favorite is Sailor Venus, Aino Minako♥ She really is my role model. I know that's really crazy to say but I love her personality and I feel like my admiration (or probably better to say 'boy crazy') for guys probably came from liking that quality of her's too. We're kinda similar in the end. I want to be like her. Funny, (sometimes perverted), easily love-struck, and cute. And in the manga she's a much stronger leader than they portray her to be in the anime! I want to be like that too, strong and more leader-like instead of a follower. Unfortunately she is fated to have a cursed love life just like me too ahahahaaaa 

(That's what the psychic told me when I went to see one in Albany).

And another awesome thing is looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking, 'wow, I'm getting thinner and healthier, my body looks great (except for the part where I lack the presence of a 'womanly' chest....).'  
Watch out, HK! UWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA 
lol ;p

It's a good thing I decided to quit smoking. If I was still in Albany, I probably would have gotten much more addicted that I should have been, since I was always smoking with my co-worker. My lungs would probably not handle the running after so long^^ 

I really do hope I can keep jogging in HK. I'm just worried about the heat. If anything stops me, it'll be that. But I would reallyyyy like to continue this habit and jog the track field every morning if I can, you know, meet some cute guys ♥lol

But I'm wasting too much time here! I have to read!

This screenshot is from the SailorStars (5th) season. moments like this, is why I love her :)

なにも言ってほしくない // I don't want you to say anything

気が付いたことは香港の男の人の髪の毛が短いことです。
香港は暑くて湿気もやばいし
どうして短くて切っているのかは理由がわかるけど....
もっと長くしたら方が、かっこよくないですか？
Something I noticed about Hong Kong men is how short their hair is.
Hong Kong is super hot and the humidity is crazy too
So I understand why they cut it but....
If it was a little bit longer, wouldn't they look more cool? 

香港の友達(William)の３年前に撮ったアイディーカードの写真を見ました。髪の毛が短くて似合わないと思いました。彼にも「似合わない」と言いましたｗ。その友達は今私とアメリカにいます。でも今の彼は髪の毛がもっと長くてとてもいいと思います。カッコいい！！

I saw a picture of my Hong Kong friend's (William) ID card that he took three years ago. His hair was short and I didn't think it really suited him. I told him too lol. Right now that friend is in America with me. But, his hair now is much longer and it's really nice. So cool!!

だから、どうして香港の男の人の多くが切っちゃうのですか？
彼氏はぜったい長い方がほしいなー
かっこいいし

So, why do most Hong Kong men go and cut their hair?

I definitely want a boyfriend with long hairrrr

Because they look so cool

ここに言っちゃうのは悪いけど...

That's bad to say here though...

でもWilliamが紹介してくれた友達(Caitlyn)も香港の男の人が運動しないと言いました。
なんだそりゃー
運動する人がほしいー
ぜったい大学で誰かいるでしょう！

But the friend William introduced me to (Caitlyn) too said that Hong Kong guys don't work out either.

What's with thatttt

I want a guy who works out

There has to be a guy on campus who does! 

バカみたいでしょう、私
でも、男の人に興味があっても....
ばかじゃないです。
見ることだけです。
憧れることだけなんです。

I must seem like an idiot

But, just because I have an interest in guys....

I'm not stupid.

I just like looking at them.

I just admire them. 

そのことについてたくさん考え事をしています。
香港にいるとき、彼氏がほしいです。いい人を見つけるの信じていますが...
 ただ....わからないです。
一人でいたくないし、誰かに愛させてくれてほしいし、
気持ちが言葉でよく伝えられません。

I think a lot about this topic.

While I'm in Hong Kong, I do want a boyfriend. I know I can find a good person but...

It's just....I don't know.

I don't want to be alone, I want someone to love me,

I can't really explain this feeling well in words. 

ただ怖いです。
本当に怖い。
いつも同じことを言っちゃうけど..やぱり、誰かが好きなんて
新しい恋するなんて
こわいです。  

べつに、髪の毛が短い男の人も、運動していない人も大丈夫と思うけど
もちろん、理想な男の人を見つけるのは無理です。
それはいいけど....
また、気持ちが言葉でよく伝えられません。




ときどき、香港に行くと決めたのは間違いっだったと思います。
最近日本がとても恋しいです。
広東語よりも日本語を勉強しています。新しい単語を覚えるのが楽しくなりました。
後悔していませんが.....

 Sometimes I think my decision to go to Hong Kong was wrong.

Recently I really long for Japan.

Instead of studying Cantonese, I'm studying Japanese. Learning new vocab is fun.

I don't regret it but.....

なんだろなあ
多分....友達と会いたい、だからこの気持ちが現れましたと。
のかなあ

Somehow

Probably....I just want to see my friends, that's why I think this feeling has appeared.

Probably

寂しいのかもしれない

I might be lonely

まあ、
あと二十六日
それで今のめちゃつまらない生活がなくなります。
寂しい気もなくなります。
がまんしようー

Well,

All that's left is 26 more days

After that, this current boring life will come to an end.

This lonely feeling will also disappear.

Just gotta be patience

I also miss that jacket...I wonder where it went..

夏運動の恋/Summer Workout Love

火曜日病院に行ってA型肝炎の予防ワクチンの注射をしました。痛かったー！
Tuesday I went to the doctor's for a Hepatitis A shot. It hurt!

今週はずっと掃除です。午前５時に起きてほんとうによかったです。眠いけど朝歩きがいいと思います。ほとんど私と妹が喧嘩してばかりでも...笑
This week all I'm doing is cleaning. I'm glad I'm waking up at 5am though. I'm tired but I think morning walks are really good. Even though me and my sister argued most of the time...lol

前に書いたスケジュールをしています。
勉強はまだだけどね＾＾；
私の部屋に大きい箱が集まったから、私は整理しなくちゃいけなかったです。本当に大変ですよ。もう四日掛かっています。箱を開けて、どこか物を片付けて、aAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
大変です。

I started the schedule that I wrote in my previous blog.

Everything except the studying though^^;

Large boxes have collected in my room so I have to organize them. It's really troublesome. It has already taken four days to do. I have to open the boxes, put the things somewhere, aAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It's really annoying.

運動だけしたいです。
All I want to do is workout.

でも土曜日お父さんの彼女がこの家に来てくれるからお父さんの指令で家中美しくきれいにしなくちゃいけません。
「ため息」
大変です。

But my dad's girlfriend is coming over on Saturday so according to my dad's orders, we have to clean this entire house until it's beutiful.

"sigh"

Troublesome.


犬とジョギングもやっています。
ジョギングする前、無理って思いました。絶対遠くに行けないよって思いました。私走るのは嫌いなんです。ジョギングと走りはちょっと違うなんだけど同じく息が苦しくなってあえいでいます。
BUT!
DDRのおかげでできます！
私は犬より早いです！
hhahahaa, 犬はちょっと年取っています。
遠くにはまだ行けないけど20分ぐらいジョギングできます！

I also began jogging with my dog.

Before I began jogging, I thought it was impossible. That I definitely wouldn't be able to jog far. I really hate running. Even though jogging and running is a little different I thought they were about the same when it came to panting and having trouble breathing after awhile.

BUT!

Thanks to DDR I can do it!

I'm faster than my dog!

hhahahaa, She's a little old though.

I still can't go too far but I can jog for about 20minutes!


自転車も楽しいです！
自転車に乗ると調子がわるくて ふともも動かない、筋肉が休みたそうです。
その辺はもっと力を付けなくちゃいけないと＾＾

Riding my bike is also fun!

After riding my bike though I'm out of shape because my thighs won't move, like the muscles want to take a rest.

I have to gain more power in that area^^

ahhh 眠くなったああ

ahhh Now I'm tiredd

帰ったー！ これから.... Back home! From here on....

This last month is going to start a little different than the last 3 I posted in Japanese. Instead of all Japanese, I'll do both from now on. Unless I feel differently ;p


July 29, 2012.
あと一ヶ月ぐらい。
September 2, 2012.
出発です。香港まで飛行機に乗ります。
香港留学のため作ったブログ、今から始めようと最初思ったけど....またここにしましたね！
これからも香港留学のブログにも日本語と英語で更新します！

July 29, 2012.

There's only about a month left.

September 2, 2012.

I'll be on a plane, departing to Hong Kong.

At first I thought I would start posting onto the blog I made for Hong Kong.... but here I am again!

From here on out too, even on my Hong Kong blog, I'm going to update in both Japanese and English!

 
で、たぶん一週間に三回ぐらいブログをします。
アメリカにいるこの最後の月に調子が良くなりたいです。調子がよくなるためたくさん運動しなくちゃいけないと思います。調子が良くなるっていうのは、もっと力を付けたくてもっと痩せたくて、などなど

I'll probably be updating about three times a week.

During this last month in America, I want to get in shape. In order to get in shape you have to workout. When I say get in shape, I mostly mean to get gain more power and to lose a little weight, etc.etc.

 で、広東語も勉強しなくちゃいけないし....
I have to study Cantonese too....


だから、こう決めました。このスケジュール
1)午前五時：妹とお母さんと、三人で歩き
2)そのあと：犬とジョギング
3)ちょっと広東語の勉強
4)自転車に乗り
5)また勉強
6)最後に：DDR (Dance Dance Revolution)

 So, this is what I decided. This schedule

1)5am: go for a walk with my mom and my sister

2)After that: a jog with my dog

3)Study a little Cantonese

4)Ride my bike

5)Study again

6)Lastly: DDR (Dance Dance Revolution)

できるかなあ hahaa...
I wonder if I can do it hahaa...

自信がありますから
香港へ出発する前に、ちゃんと調子が良くなります。

But I believe in myself

Before I go to Hong Kong, I will get into shape.


そして、子供のときバスケが大好きでした。今日外出した子供用のバスケネットを見て、バスケをしたくなりました。また子供に戻りたいなあ
とにかく、バスケする気分があれば、バスケします。

Then, as a kid I really liked basketball. Today when I went outside and saw the basketball net I had as a kid, I felt like playing again. I really want to be a kid again

In any case, when I get that feeling again, I'll play.


最後に言いたいことは
またニキビの薬を飲んでいます。
９月までに治さないといけないと思いますが少し治る希望があります。
薬といっぱい水を飲むとなにかいいことになるでしょう！

The last thing I want to say

I started taking acne medicine again.

I know it won't be cured by September but, I have hope that it will heal a little bit.

By taking medicine and drinking lots of water something good has to happen!


はい！スタート！！
Alright! Lets start!!

いったいなんだろうね

Unlike the last two previous ones, I'll be nice and write this one in English... half of it.

So here I am.
Kinda pissed.

But that's because of SUNY.
I guess it's my own fault since I didn't expect it. But now it's puts more pressure on me for finding a job. I really need to now... or else I won't be doing much this upcoming year. SUNY screwed me over, charging me an extra $1000+ on a study abroad fee. I understand it's reasonable and all, but my dad wasn't expecting to have to pay as much as it totaled up to... and I didn't expect to have to help him out with it. I don't mind helping out, but the problem right now is that I've been saving up for all my personal expenses while abroad. I was going to have $8000+ saved. Then, $300 goes for half of the plane ticket and then I need to pay my dad $1000+ for the extra fee SUNY pasted on my bill. Okay... so that leaves me with about $6000..... It's still a lot, I know I shouldn't be complaining. I'm just pissed that $1000+ is going to disappear just like that and I'm not even in HK yet.

I'm already planning two things.
There's a Perfume concert in HK November 7th that I MUST attend to, and then my travel to Japan for a week or two and in the meantime going to see 凛として時雨 live again with Nozomi. Japan is going to be expensive....


-sigh-
Actually, now that I've typed that all out I feel a little better. I guess I didn't really realize how much I was overreacting in my own head... gosh 本当にバカだあたし....


で、OBXにいるときセーラームーンを見てばかりです。
家に帰るとセーラームーン。
お父さんが寝るとテレビにパソコンをRBMケーブルで付いてセーラームーンを見ます。
中毒ですね....

だって
愛野美奈子は私のロールモデルです。

おかしいおかしいのはわかっていますが
ロールモデルなんです。
彼女の性格が本当に好きだし同じ性格になりたいです。
明るくて面白くてたよりにできる人で力になる人
だから、またセーラームーンの大ファンになりました。
シリーズの全部をダウロードしていちいち見ています。セーラースターからです。

みなこになりたいなあー
たぶん大ファンだけが知ることだけど...みなちゃんは男出入りなんです。
セーラーV漫画からそういう運命が呪いされました。

サイキックにいた時、ラーク町で、
彼に同じことを言われて、落ち込みました。
"男出入り"

まあ、ロマンスがほしくて、彼氏もいいし
maybe今は恋人を探す時間じゃないかもしれません。

とにかく
がんばります。

だって
みなこのことほどなりたいでしょう？
ｗｗ
そうよね

hi

これから日本語でブログを書きます。
いい練習だし...私だけが読めることです。
もっと私的なブログになります。


あああ
困っています。
彼氏が....ほしいな....

Williamとキスしたかったです。
でもなんとなく無理でした。目の前チャンスが表れて、２人の顔も近く付いて....
やばかったの
彼が優しすぎてできなかった！

後悔なんです。


どうしてあのくせ男の人が私のとこに追いできたんだ！
あのくせ男の人がもし来なかったら...ぜったい幸せと思いますよ。
あのくせ男の人....あのアホ！どうして私の生命をめちゃくちゃされてんのよ？！

幸せなんて
愛するなんて
まだ大変なことさ
私にとって


私の気持ちがわかっていないんだ！
ひどい

どうして私...
私のせいです


ずっと前から私のせいなんてあきらめなかったから
自分でこんな深く痛く傷を付かせました


Williamが私のことまだ好きなんだかもしません.....
ごめんねWilliam....最後まで２人は不幸なんです。